wait for it....

You made your bed, so lie in it, Hide in it it.  Bury deep.

The safest place is under the sheets,

Because I’m still there in your dreams, in your sleep.

Butterflies are too good for you, settle with moths.  Their blackened wings and insignificance suits us.

(We’d best miss the fireworks and just gather the ashes.) 

We waited for the fireworks, but only the ashes came 
Fluttering down from the sky, Black moths,

You told me it was just the same for us-
and I guess it doesn't matter what I say, 
What I think and who I blame.

(Wrapped in your coat, nestled at your side
Darkness keeps us safe, together we'll hide.)

Waving at the stars, you show me ours tonight-
I keep quiet. You're pointing at a satellite.

---


So, I have a boyfriend. Rob. He's rather sweet, rather tall, all around pretty nice. :3. it's been 2 weeks, I guess thats a good sign. 

I feel like being nerdy. Follow the cut  for my pointless love of nerdiness :3

AHH.

-flails-

why is my best friend such a hormonal bitch? hmm? : /

so i had my birthday sleepover on saturday. it were great, ten girls all hyper in a tent. well we watched 'the shining' in my living room, fucking scary- but jo (aka, best friend) kept me safe by sitting on my lap :). so obviously i took the oppertunity to completely molest her shoulders cos i like biting things xD and she'd a little prison bitch by nature, cos she likes being bitten :0.

I wish my good friend beth would stop bumming jo, however. thats my job >_o and at least im more subtle than her. i mean, it was MY birthday party but beth didnt say a word to me, she spent the entire evening trying to get onto jo's lap (hehe, too late, she was already on mine) and going 'ohhhhhh jo-jo, i luuurve you cos everyone lurves you and i think you're soooo pretty'. xP ah.

haha, jo got bored and so did I by the second film, so we messed around a bit. funny thing is even tho we mess around like, every party, we've never kissed o.o cos we get freaked at the last second. so it was basically a bunch of neck kissing :0. but then my sister walked in so we kinda jumped off each other. my sister is now scared of jo and thinks I'm a lesbian. haha, im no lez :3 i think bi is the term. 

my friend suzanne, the other best friend, generally acts and looks like an overly innocent 9 yr old, but shes so sweet. but i get a little creeped about how she strokes my face n stuff. its like gollum with the ring or something D: 

then, in the tent, everyone else began to fall asleep. i told jo i couldnt sleep so she agreed to keep me awake. get the dirty thought out of your heads :D
cos we actually spent untill 5am talking about roleplay, sex,  charcters, ogres o.o...and..shit c: ...
fucking hilarious :) best conversation wie've had in ages, cos we didnt : 

a) fight 
b)get interupted by Beth- who's desperate to take my place, desperate.

then beth woke up, and she heard me n jo histaricly laughing over an in-joke, and she got all like, jealous o.o. she kept asking what the punch like was, and found out, but obviously she couldnt understand it cos she doesnt even know what 'RP' mean, but she went all red and started repeating the punch line like she got the joke, and groping jo to get her attention. : / that girl is too clingy. 

so. today is monday, and i am sick :c. so i turn on my laptop on hopes of talking to my wonderful, flamboyant friend john :) in germany, or maybe heena in america, and jo's online. so obv, im like 'wtf' o.o. 

convo:

me: wtf?...are you ill? :c
jo: yes, you gave me a cold. dumbass.
me: (trying to ignore the less than happy hello ) ah...im really sorry :c. though that cold is going round the school... is your cold bad?
jo: yes, its terrible. god, i hate you. you should have just left me alone at your party.

--
WTF ??
i signed off at that point, cos arguments tend to make me a complete emo kid and, i always regreat anything i say.

but yeh. she didnt excactly MIND that i was molesting her, i didnt KNOW i was ill x_o. she couldve gotten off me at any point, could she ? : / 

and i wont get an apology, cos jo's in a bad mood plus she never apologises. I wonder why i care so much about that girl sometimes >_o.

so what was a pretty hawt weekend has now completely failed. urhg.

i need tissues and tea D: godammit

love love,

 Jade

 

2 minute poem time:

----------------


The world is falling and we’re still stalling over the past.

Letting it go means forgiving and forgetting, something we can’t do without

Fear, death, shortness of breath-

One more night, another year, finger grasped over ‘justice’

Destroying, invading, because
Two 
        wrongs 
                    must 
                             make
                                       a
                                            right.

----------------------------------------------------

whey. 
So, today was... I don't know. I'm sitting here, in my kitchen,england. And all i can think about is what happened at school. during science, the 9/11 came up (inedviteable, the day it is), and turns out half the class didn't even know that was today. i mean, not that the name 9/11 was any hint. 
and then, when i got hiome i went on myspace for a bit. there were about 10 bulletin things, all a chain mail called 'soooo sad!!!!' , so i opened it. it was pictures of the 9/11, and then the message 'this is SO sad, repost this bulletin if you have a heart.'
but I can't help wondering, why the fuck would reposting a bulletin on myspace help anything? 

I don't know why i care so much. i mean, its in a country halfway across the world, six years ago. and as my mother pointed out to me today, lots of countries endure terroist attacks like the 9/11 alot more often. plus I'm not excactly in love with america, not at all. 

but on TV, right now, theres a documentary. a woman who's son was killed in the 9/11 is talking on the screen. and for once my dad isnt muttering 'damn americans'. 
He's quiet. and it's wierd.

I'm done now. 
and yes, i know I'm 15, and i can't 'possibly understand' all the politics of everything.
--
Jade x 

Saturday morning, my parents have gone out...somewhere, and I'm contemplating last night.

I'm a big fan of my local youth club (well, thats the closest i can call it), the 'Hermit'.
Teens from about 14-19 hang around outside and inside (where the bands play) every friday  night. its mostly alcohol free, with some of the older kids drinking outside. We mostly just drink coke or as much red bull as we can have without passing out :)

I've had some of my best times ever there, my first ever getting offf with someone session (how innapropriate :0), my first ever mosh, my first ever drinking with friends (pretty much sensibly, i can have good times without gettting pissed.)  drinking, get this, cheap red wine my friend smuggled, when I had just turned 14 in september. turns out red wine makes you more sleepy than drunk, which kind of sucked.

So tonight, i have another experience to add. my first ever real session of girl kissing. oo er :0

all dressed up ( in a top that i love but I'm forever hitching it up), i went to the hermit last ngiht,  meeting my lovely girlfriend rach (who is way too pretty for me.) and some other friends. she pent most of the night hugging me and nibbling my neck, which definitely caught some stares.  the band inside where great, which makes a nice change. the music was loud and punky with guitar solos and smoke and everyone dancing. not so much dancing as jumping around, but still. i was dancing with Rach which she pulled me towards her, and we got off for a good 5 minutes. christ, she's a good kisser. the  most noteable difference when kissing a girl instead of a boy, is that you can taste the lipgloss on the other persons lips instead of just your own.  ooh, and the fact that the sight of us two kissing drew in about ten boys all whistling  : /
 
when she had left briefly, a girl i know quite well, marisaa (shre has a great bf), sidled up to me.

"hey, I saw you with your gf. you're bi, right?" she shouted over the music.
"yeh, i am." i grinned, still on a high from the kissing. and, em, groping.
"So am I. wait, i don't know. I've never actually kissed a girl."
"oh, you will soon-" i began. mariisa grabbed my shirt and pulled me into a long kiss. she was not a kisser like rachel. meh.
"but now i have. yay ! " she pecked me on the cheek and went off to her boyfriend.

2 girls in one night? christ...

---
yay ^^ I love rachel ^^  

Jade-xXx

Ps- anyone got a Deadjournal code to spare? :p

I'm sorry, LJ, you went into that little cupboard in the back of my mind- that locks itself (translation....I am a lazy arse. who only updates when there is nothing more fun to do. I should be ashamed, really.)   

life? life is....pretty good. my boyfriend (yay :) )  is sweet and caring, my friends are accepting and all i could ever want, and i have a best friend i get closer to every day. i get more and more homework everyday, too. and dire warning about exams. i dont think SATs should matter, i mean, they werent even introduced untill a few years ago. it judges the schools achivemnt, not mine. it doesnt give me a degree in anything. it does give me a alot of pointless revising, though. 

I've gone and got myself a little ripoff of an ipod, which is smaller, has video (unlike mini ipods), looks slightly different, and holds more junk. yay ^_^. panic! at the disco are still my favourite band, theyre songs are so...I can't even say it. damn. green day (both old stuff and new), nirvana, the gazettes (a great japenese rock group. they are the worlds prettiest males ever), queen, are all there to. I'm a guilty enjoyer of some falloutboy. its the bands everyone loves to hate and hates to admit they love. well, im pretty open bout my love of petewentz anyway xD.

i watched brokeback mountain again, like the 3rd time this month. i have a habit of skipping th end, i get upset everytime the cute guy dyes u-u in films, hot people, children n dogs should never die :(. 

valentines day soon. known as 'single out singles day' by most ( me inclued, usually), but if all things go well with my bf, then maybe I'll get a valentine this year. then i can be one of those people single people hate, and enjoy it. 

skinny jeans were gods gift to men and women. no jokes. 

Jade xx

I'm aching.
my stomach hurts. my eyes hurt. my brain hurts.
tough day at school?
you betcha. me and my peers were blessed today with mock english sats papers(they weren't gift wrapped xP). hooray. i also got my mark back on my english speech. I got a 6. not too good. i asked why. she said my speech in writing was v.good, but i was too nervous when iu read it out. sped through it like a racehorse, or something. Its hardly surprising.... i was pretty sure they could hear me shaking. they saw it, anyway. i was so unsteady my words shaked. 
oh. and my best friend has found a boy to make her heart beat, and forgot the girl that tried to keep it beating during the rather darker times. funny, its like something out of a book, right? i meet girl, look after her when she gets thrown from her previous friend, gives her endless advice and reasurence, some blonde guy turns up and I'm out of the picture. I'm laughing.

happy halloween. I couldn't find my nightmare before xmas tape, and no one else wants toi trick o treat (whats the point of halloween if you can't look ridiculous whn no one can say anything about it?), but I'll just make a movie night next week with some friends, or something. 

what goes bump in the night? ;)

x thisisjade x

I've got alot of old poems in my old (traditional pen and paper) journal.
let me type and get it over with...

'and she was gone'

No wanted her anymore, 
she was no longer standing
on a stage of admiring eyes

so she floated away.

she was caught in the audience
her face blackened from the shadows of the audience,
a nameless face in a crowd of names...

so she floated away.

she wasn't remembered,
a handful of memorys
faded and stained.

so she floated away.

she knew they could want her elsewhere,
and she dissapeared one night, into the clouds,
no even realised she had gone

until she had floated away.... 

ick...keep this in mind, it was written when i was twelve.

one more:

broken